


Broken

by Stalene



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Angst, Black Cloud, El Mañana, Flashbacks, Oh this isnt ok, Sad, Sad Ending, Unhappy Mudz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 05:20:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12226572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stalene/pseuds/Stalene
Summary: Murdoc thinks back to when Noodle was still just a little girl, and very much alive.





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> This hurt to write

Calloused fingers gently ran over the long strings, sending vibrations through his body. It didn’t sound quite right - as the man was used to only four strings, he chuckled softly as he wondered how such a small girl could handle an instrument like this.

    His legs hung off the balcony, dangling over crudely turned plastic that had melted and reformed into something more like twisted earth - the waves crashed into the pink surface, causing droplets of water to bounce upwards. The ocean spray helped clear his mind, but worry set it for the guitar. The guitar that had been through what she had been, that saw what she saw, that felt what she had felt. Murdoc wished he could change places with her, with Noodle - he would let go of his ambition in order to see the girl’s smile one last time. It was hard to think he could care for anyone the way he did for Noodle, his little pasta. She was like his daughter.

    This was her guitar, he had done everything he could to repair what was broken - as if this instrument could repair a piece of himself that had been ripped away when he saw the footage. He saw those monsters shooting at a little girl, machine guns relentless as she desperately ran. Her expression of sheer terror as she hid in the windmill haunted him, haunted his dreams…

_Windmill, windmill for the land, turn forever hand in hand. Take it all in on your stride, it is ticking falling down…_

The words of the song echoed in his mind, it had almost been like a prediction - watching the island fall from the sky, crash to the ground. Murdoc had been like a savage animal clawing his way through the rubbish - looking for any sign of her, any trace. All he found was a single strand of hair…

Murdoc ran his hand over the damaged guitar, feeling every crack he desperately had tried to cover with plaster - feeling the dirt he had spent hours trying to scrape off, playing the out of tune strings like it was his bass guitar. His teeth sunk into his own lip, his eyes squeezing shut tight as he felt his throat tighten, a sudden thirst for rum making his mouth feel dry.

He remembered when Noodle was just a little thing, when she’d have a nightmare. Usually the girl would stick to Russell like he was a giant teddy bear - but this time she had wandered to him. Murdoc had almost been nocturnal during that time of his life, so it had both surprised and startled him to see someone other than him be awake. Her eyes had been filled with tears as she quickly informed him of her strife in Japanese - he hadn’t understood a lick of it.. The only words that got through in english were ‘nightmare’ and ‘white coats’.

That night he had scooped her up into his arms at allowed her to sit with him, told her he was scarier than anything her little mind could dream up. And she had passed out only a few moments later.

When the band split for only three or so years, and he laid eyes on the girl again… His mind was blown. Her english was almost fluent, she had grown like a weed. And she was so… So damn smart. It flabbergasted him how a girl who grew up with a possessed man from the hood, a brain dead singer, and well… Murdoc himself could have come out so smart, sweet, and well - wise for her age. If Murdoc was being honest with himself, he would say how quickly she was growing up had terrified him.

In the beginning he had been against raising a child, dealing with all the shit that came packaged with that. But… Noodle had grown on him. She made him want to be better, she made him want to try harder to take care of the three bandmates he was now responsible for. But now that she had grown up, that she didn’t need him to hold her through her nightmares, or help her count to ten. He couldn’t help wanting to go back, he wasn’t ready for her to grow up yet. He didn’t want her to grow up, couldn’t he make a machine to make her young like that until he was ready?

That was just the reality of the situation. She didn’t need him anymore, she didn’t need anyone anymore. He had no idea why she stayed, she could go off on her own - be a one man band. Maybe this was why her stealing creative control over Demon Days had infuriated him so much. How dare she remind him how capable she was without him, how dare she know exactly what he was thinking at all times, how DARE SHE know when to let her words slip, to call him ‘dad’ - and pretend to not notice his eyes watering just a little.

Murdoc softly set the guitar aside, his head falling into his hands, heavy sobs causing his shoulders to rise and fall. He missed his little girl.


End file.
